When was the last time you got a performance appraisal on how you are doing as a parent ?Are your conversations with you daughter or son the kind that help you check yourself on how you are mothering or fathering them ?
I have long and deep-ish conversations with my 7 year old son about anything and everything , he is at that age where everything is a question and often times he thinks he already knows the answer. Our chats give me a lot of insight into how I am mothering him. One time he told me that I'm always looking serious...seriously, me serious ? But this was his perspective of me and so I worked on trying to lighten up on a few things.
My conversations with my 12 year old daughter however were not as robust. For some time I had noticed that my conversations with her seem to be based on practical instruction. I was either telling her to do something , or to redo something or the consequences of not doing something ! I asked her what she thought about the depth of our conversations and her response surprised me. It went something like this "Well, you and I don't like the same things so we don't talk much about other things besides school, growing up and .. oh maybe cleaning up ! That was a whopper because for the most part she was right. At her age she is enthralled by the latest Disney Princess, Violetta and re-runs of Hannah Montana. You would have been hard pressed to find me anxiously wanting to know what happened next on Violetta but since I had that chat with her I am venturing into her 12 year old world. I won't say I love it seeing I was a tomboy at that age, but she loves it and because I love her I am making the effort. I don't want to live with a stranger who is my daughter so bring on 'Next Step', the new craze .. and get this I know the names of half the dancers !
We are in relationship with our children as much as we are in relationship with our partner or friends. Relationships even with our own children need to be worked on continually. It often starts with conversations about superficial stuff like sports, tv , favourite music ie the small stuff that often lead to talks about the issues of life and more fulfilling relationships.
So if you want to know how you are doing as a mom or dad, ask your child!
I have long and deep-ish conversations with my 7 year old son about anything and everything , he is at that age where everything is a question and often times he thinks he already knows the answer. Our chats give me a lot of insight into how I am mothering him. One time he told me that I'm always looking serious...seriously, me serious ? But this was his perspective of me and so I worked on trying to lighten up on a few things.
My conversations with my 12 year old daughter however were not as robust. For some time I had noticed that my conversations with her seem to be based on practical instruction. I was either telling her to do something , or to redo something or the consequences of not doing something ! I asked her what she thought about the depth of our conversations and her response surprised me. It went something like this "Well, you and I don't like the same things so we don't talk much about other things besides school, growing up and .. oh maybe cleaning up ! That was a whopper because for the most part she was right. At her age she is enthralled by the latest Disney Princess, Violetta and re-runs of Hannah Montana. You would have been hard pressed to find me anxiously wanting to know what happened next on Violetta but since I had that chat with her I am venturing into her 12 year old world. I won't say I love it seeing I was a tomboy at that age, but she loves it and because I love her I am making the effort. I don't want to live with a stranger who is my daughter so bring on 'Next Step', the new craze .. and get this I know the names of half the dancers !
We are in relationship with our children as much as we are in relationship with our partner or friends. Relationships even with our own children need to be worked on continually. It often starts with conversations about superficial stuff like sports, tv , favourite music ie the small stuff that often lead to talks about the issues of life and more fulfilling relationships.
So if you want to know how you are doing as a mom or dad, ask your child!
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