Parenting Tip #August 2015-What Your Children Can Teach You, If You Pay Attention!

7 years ago I got schooled !

My daughter was about five years old and my son was six or so months old. Miffed by all the attention the baby was getting, my daughter decided she was not having it! Sitting in the back seat of the car with her baby brother next to her my precious outspoken 5 year old announced “ You think that baby of yours is so important ..I am important too!” I was too stunned to respond and so I parked the car.  My first thought was, should I flip out and discipline her for being insolent? How dare she speak to me like that ! I must have been wearied by lack of sleep from attending to baby for most of the night to have managed to keep my cool. Maybe she also caught me off-guard (I grew up with authoritarian parents and speaking in such a manner to one’s parents was just not done especially if you wanted to live!) Instead of taking the hard line approach I paid attention to what she was saying and heard her out, thankfully!

As parents we often have the mistaken belief that the learning process is one directional and is usually from adult to child. We believe our children are the students and we are the teachers and although this is largely true, we can learn a great deal from these little- and- not- so little ones if we bother to pay attention! It takes an open mindedness and flexibility to accept that even though you are the adult /parent you can also learn something from your child. 

Here are some of the positive things I have learnt from my children:

1.   That’s for the baby   – HOW TO SPEAK UP.

This is the incidence that triggered the parent/student and child/teacher experience. My daughter wanted something that had been reserved for the baby and she must have heard the words “That’s for the baby” too many times for her to deal with  and she decided enough is enough ‘I must speak now’! Her decision to speak up and call to my attention that she also needed love and attention was a wake- up call and I started to become inclusive with her and to also give her special time.

2.   Can I Sit With You? – LOVE FINDS A WAY .

My children often scramble to sit next to me. To try to curb the raging kids from knocking me over in the race to sit next to me I instituted a rule that required them to ask for permission to sit next to me and permission was not always guaranteed for either or both of them. Over time my daughter noticed that the brother would always find his way to the seat next to mine even if permission had been denied earlier. Her question was ‘how come’? I explained to her that he managed to wiggle his way in and often got away with it because he did not always seek permission to follow his heart ! It was natural for him to seek me out and no matter how many times he was denied he always found a way to do what he needed to do.

3.   Hot Wheels Racing Set – DON’T GIVE UP

Every birthday for the past 3 years my son has been asking for the Hot Wheels car racing set. Every year I would tell him I couldn’t afford it. That did not deter him, he would ask anyway! This year as per his custom when he was asked what he wanted for his birthday Hot Wheels was top of the list! This is also the year his prayer was answered. His Aunty got him the complete racing track and racing cars. Yayee! As I thought about this incidence I have learnt that if you truly want something don’t give up no matter what!

4.    The School  Trip  – MAINTAINING A GOOD ATTITUDE

My daughter looks forward to the annual school trip. I am not always so keen however she has attended every school trip. The reason she has been able to pull this off is her attitude towards the whole thing. Before I say yes my girl will ask more than a thousand times! She will get shouted at, told off, told there is not enough money for such luxuries etc but she maintains a humble and respectful attitude to my resistance. In the face of resistance how often do adults maintain a good attitude?

5.   That‘s  A Hurtful  Thing  To  Say – VULNERABILTY & HONESTY.

When was the last time you told someone that what they are saying or doing is causing your pain ? Not often I would guess! As adults we tend to hide our feelings and hide our hurts because we don’t want to appear weak or easy to hurt. My children, bless their sensitive hearts and from watching too much TV will often tell me if I have done or said something that hurts them. In this age of bullying this has really helped me to become more sensitive to each one of them and to other people .