Who should pay for what and how much ?
This is a very grey area and yet it’s one of the biggest areas of conflict and resentments in blended or step families. Right or wrong our society places expectations, unrealistic or not on the stepparent that often the non custodial parent runs away from. It’s expected that a man marrying a woman with kids should pick up the bills for his stepchildren. It is also expected that a woman marrying a man with children should happily surrender her earnings towards the household budget whether she has children or not. Is society not setting up the step parent for a fall here ? Is it not inevitable that after the honeymoon phase passes and reality starts to bite then the new step parent will start to question why their stepkids should attend private school or other such costs when their bio-parent cannot afford to send them there on their own steam ? If the step parent voices this concern to their partner, or extended family members then they are often seen as the wicked and evil step parent !
Are couples who are planning to blend their families together talking enough about the financial expectations of each partner to the new family, children included ?
What are the implications of adopting a “Yours, Mine, and Ours approach ?
These are all very good questions that unfortunately we don’t have the answers for ! However our aim with this article is to start an open and honest dialogue between couples with stepchildren or those people who are considering marrying someone with children and also those of us who are advisers to people with stepchildren to carefully weigh out this matter so that there are no unfulfilled expectations between couples and no unnecessary resentments between stepkids and their stepparents. What’s your take on this; should stepparents be expected to spend money on stepchildren ? Email us your feedback at family.corner@outlook.com or comment at www.facebook.com/ourfamilycorner
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